Hello and welcome to Capitalism Apparel, makers of Six Minute Socialism, the Capitalism Sucks Donkey Balls commercial, and The Capitalism Apparel Infomercial, starring America’s #1 Capitalist Douchebag, The Hardcore Capitalist!

Do you believe the arguments that capitalism’s not moral, not fair, not efficient, it can never lift everyone up, it’s not the same thing as democracy or freedom, and it’s ultimately going to destroy the world, but you just can’t seem to remember all of that? Are you looking for something that can sum all that up, and fit on a T-Shirt? Well, Capitalism Apparel is here to help. Introducing: Capitalism Sucks Donkey Balls. Yes, Capitalism Sucks Donkey Balls. When you want to make a big statement, in a short amount of time. Watch the new commercial starring our (poorly) paid (non) celebrity spokesperson, The Hardcore Capitalist. And remember, Capitalism Sucks Donkey Balls, only from Capitalism Apparel.

Can’t find a job? Can’t afford health care or college? Have low wages got you down? Are you sick and tired of recessions and depressions? What you need is Six Minute Socialism!

Six Minute Socialism is the revolutionary new system that lets you skip years of reading, learning, and thinking, and overcome a lifetime of brainwashing in just minutes! Let our spokesperson, The Hardcore Capitalist, guide you through what is already being acclaimed as one of the finest commercials for an Infomercial ever made! So try Six Minute Socialism, and find out why Capitalism Apparel is right for you!

No matter what your age, whether you’re a liberal, conservative, Democrat, Republican, a student, parent, or grandparent, chances are if you live on earth, you’ve been impacted by the fascinating system we call capitalism. So try watching The Capitalism Apparel Infomercial, and let our spokesperson The Hardcore Capitalist (previously referred to as Some Guy) explain why Capitalism Apparel is right for you!